Worst Christmas Ever
by tgifridays
Summary: A heartfelt story about the meaning of Christmas, told through the eyes of eleven people. Eleven stories of love, loss, and learning. Crack. Happy Holidays! :D


1.

Christmas sucked.

Pai decided this as he sat on a bench, his head propped up on one hand. It was cold enough that his breath came in short puffs, visible against the night air. He shivered slightly, pulling his coat tighter around him.

Whose idea had it been to spend Christmas Eve in a bar? He vaguely remembered Kisshu suggesting it. The alien in question had sat down at the bar, downed half a glass of beer, then proceeded to smash the bottle against the counter, break a customer's nose and initiate a drunken bar fight, at which point Pai had left.

Pai groaned at the sound of sirens in the distance. No doubt that idiot Kisshu had managed to get himself hurt, and he hoped that Taruto had the sense to get them out of there before the authorities arrived.

Christmas definitely sucked.

2.

The room spun,

dark, and

ominous.

Kisshu's golden eyes narrowed as they adjusted to the low light of the building. He lift his weapon slowly, his lips curling into a sneer as he sized up his opponent.

'_Easy prey.'_

"Prepare todie, hooman," he managed, taking a shaky step forward.

"Put the barstool down. Just give it to me," the bartender said slowly, his deep voice soft as he reached out his hands. Kisshu frowned. He would _not_ be tricked again. First they tried to charge him outrageous prices for beer, and now they wanted to take away his only defense.

It was _his_ stool.

"C'mon, man, you're drunk- Stop messing around," he continued.

"Kisshu, let's get _out_ of here," Taruto hissed from behind him, tugging on his arm.

"I can handul mah. . .I can holdd my liquor just fine," he growled, his words slightly slurred by the alcohol as he waved the stool in front of him, his voice trailing off. Stupid humans, trying to tell him what to do. He'd show them. He smiled to himself, already victorious in his own mind.

Kisshu slipped on the slick floor, the metallic stool flying from his hands as he toppled backwards, landing with a crash.

3.

_knock, knock._

Zakuro opened the door. She was wearing a tank top and jeans, a candy cane dangling from her slightly parted lips. One long eyebrow was raised as she took in the sight before her.

"Um, hi. We, uh, need a little help."

Zakuro looked over her shoulder. "Hey, Ichigo-san, someone's here to see you."

"Hayyyyyy, Koneko-channnn, howzit goin'?"

"Don't let them in!"

Zakuro turned around, shrugged slightly, then slammed the door shut on their faces. She definitely did not need this on her day off.

4.

They spent almost ten minutes out in the freezing cold before someone finally came to get them. But, sitting in Purin's living room, surrounded by the mews and screaming children, Taruto thought he'd rather be back on the front porch. Or dead. Until Purin stuffed several candies into his small hands, which kept him busy for a while.

"Purin's so excited, na no da!" the blonde girl chirped, latching onto his arm. "This is going to be such a great party now that all of Purin's friends are here!"

Taruto grimaced, but swallowed his pride, since Kisshu was still bleeding all over her couch, staring dazedly at the ceiling. Meanwhile, Pai was making awkward conversation with one of the mews, taking small, girly bites from the plate he'd been handed moments before.

"Wanna play a game?" Purin said, bouncing up and down. "Let's play dress up, na no da!"

That was where Taruto drew the line. Hell would freeze over before he was reduced to wearing girl's clothes.

"Playing dress up," Taruto announced, in his most adult voice, "is for _sissies._"

"Well that's perfect for you, then," Pai said, looking up from his food. "We are guests, and you _will_ play dress up."

"Y-You can't tell me what to do!"

Pai's amethyst eyes narrowed. "Do you want to go back outside, Taruto?"

Purin was ecstatic.

5.

Keiichiro looked up from the bowl of batter, glancing towards the door of the kitchen. On the other side of the house, someone was swearing.

_Very_ loudly.

He winced, setting the cake mix down. Somebody was upset, and no doubt he was going to have fix it.

6.

Ryou was not upset.

Ryou was _furious._ He slammed the slide door open, which was not as effective as intended, since it was paper thin, but dramatic nonetheless. His usually neat blonde hair was messy, and his face was an uncharacteristically dark shade of red.

"Might I ask _why _there is an unconscious alien on the bathroom floor?" he shouted, causing the girls to look up from their television special. After several seconds of silence, Retasu spoke up.

"A-Ano, there wasn't room in any of the bedrooms," she said meekly, scratching her head.

Ryou sighed. "No, I mean why is there an alien in this house _period_?"

"Relax, Shirogane," Pai said coolly, glancing over. To Ryou's irritation he looked comfortable sitting next to Retasu, chewing on a candy cane. "We're not here to hurt you."

Retasu nodded hurriedly, but Zakuro only held up her hands. "Hey, don't look like me."

"What, so you just _believe_ him?" Ryou groaned. After several seconds, the mews shrugged.

"Well if you won't put your foot down, then I will," he grunted.

"Woah, what are you doing-?"

"Shirogane-san, maybe you shouldn't-"

"_Dammit_-"

"_Stop_ it, you two!"

The room exploded with noise.

7.

Minto watched with detached interest as Ryou attacked Pai. Caught by surprise, Pai was unable to defend by himself as Ryou attempted to strangle him.

She took a sip of tea.

Minto winced as the room resounded with a crash. Shame about the tree- The extravagant pine tree, decorated with glass ornaments, had been her Christmas gift to Purin. Now it lay in a crumpled mass on the other side of the room. She doubted the boy scouts would be willing to tow _that_ away come January.

The dark-haired girl sighed, shaking her head sadly. Some people were so _childish._

'_Not like my onee-sama,'_ Minto thought, smiling softly as she gazed at Zakuro, whose eyebrows were arched as she watched the fight in bemused silence. Ichigo had retreated upstairs, arms thrown up in exasperation.

"Onee-sama, w-would you like some tea?" Minto called, lifting the teapot in one hand. At which point Pai came tumbling backwards, landing on the table with a solid crack, successfully destroying her porcelain teapot.

"Um, sorry," Pai said distractedly, before jumping to his feet once more.

Minto looked on in stunned silence.

And looked at the broken shards that had once been her favorite teapot. The one that her onee-sama had bought her for her birthday on one of her modeling tours.

Pai.

Teapot.

Pai.

Teapot.

Someone was going to die, and someone was going to die _now._

8.

"Are you alright, Pai-san?"

"I'm fine, Retasu-san."

"I-I mean, I can't help like I'm somehow to blame. . ."

"Please, don't worry about it," Pai mumbled, holding the icepack to his forehead.

Retasu chewed her lip. "I'm sorry Minto-chan gave you a black eye."

"I'd rather not discuss it," Pai said through gritted teeth.

Retasu sighed, staring up at the porch roof as she leaned against the front door. She felt bad that she couldn't offer him more than an icepack, but she was afraid to step back inside the living room. She'd had no idea Minto could get that angry. . .

"I should probably get going soon," Pai said after several moments of silence. Retasu looked down, blue eyes wide behind her glasses.

"Wait, no, I don't- I mean, at least wait for Kisshu to wake up, Pai-san," she said, placing a hand on his forearm. "You-You shouldn't have to be alone on Christmas Eve." Staring up into Pai's deep eyes, hand fisted in the cloth of Pai's shirt, Retasu opened her mouth to speak-

Pai pointed up. "Mistletoe."

Wait, what?

9.

_thump. thump._

Ichigo slammed her head against the wall.

Why was it, that when she could be spending a romantic Christmas Eve with her boyfriend Aoyama-kun, Ichigo had instead been stuck with the job of making sure a drunk Kisshu didn't hurt himself!?

And now, as if God hadn't made her miserable enough by sending Masaya away on vacation with his parents, Retasu-chan and Pai were making out on Purin's porch. _Retasu _and _Pai._ She could _see_ them. Because for the first time she had no one to spend the holidays with, and now even that weirdo _Pai_ was getting some.

What was _wrong_ with her life?

Kisshu rolled over on the bed, looking up groggily from the bedsheets.

"Koneko-chan?" he mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you still wearing your clothes?"

Some days, Ichigo wanted to tear out her hair by the roots.

10.

Somewhere, on the alien spaceship, a strange blue light pulsated. A figure floated, its eyes closed as it made plans, calculations, and decisions.

_Dear Diary._

_Christmas Eve again. Alone like always. How can I have countless followers, but no one ever wants to spend time with me? Is it that hard to drop by every once in a while, give me the 411, and maybe ask how _I _feel for once? So much pressure is put on me to save the alien race, but not once have I received a phone call. Not one postcard, e-mail, or greeting card._

_Crying on the inside,_

_Deep Blue._

11.

This was the best Christmas Purin had had in a long time. She smoothed out the fabric of Taruto's lemon yellow dress, grinning up at him.

"Do you want your hair braided, or down, na no da?"

Fin.

Happy holidays :D


End file.
